Leaps of Faith

Happy Tuesday!!

This post has been much delayed.  I know many can understand that time really is not your own with a needy newborn and a crazy-spastic 3 year old.  I'm not sure how people with a whole slew of kiddos can do it.  I'd absolutely pull my hair out.

What's new?
First…I have my 6 week follow-up appointment this Thursday which made me realize that my beautiful little Charlie is 6 weeks old today!!  How did that happen? He's starting to look more infant and less newborn every day.

Second… I've been seeking God through prayer and scripture to gain direction on making decisions lately.  I'm trying to make sure my life puts God first and my family immediately after.  My flawed self will admit that I don't always do that.  I catch myself trying to put my own needs first and getting caught up with worldly temptations and worries (I want a bigger house, I want to lose weight, I want to figure out our finances…).  All of this really doesn't matter when it comes to my relationship with God.  So I'm working on it and I will continue to do so.

I do have two main topics of today's post.  One is that I will be 30 in the very near future, and the other is leaps of faith.

Turning 30:  In less than a month, I'm entering into a new decade of my life.  I'm pretty satisfied with what my 20's have given me.  I graduated with my Bachelors degree, got my first "grown up" job at Walmart legal, met Lance, got married, had William, graduated with my Masters degree, got my first "new career" job, and had Charlie.  That's a pretty complete life. I hope the next 10 years can be spent cherishing my family and bettering myself.  I told a friend the other night that 25 year old Jessie would be kicking almost 30 year old Jessie in the butt because of how much I've lost my level of fitness.  I'm about 35lbs heavier than I was a 25.  Granted I've had 2 kids in that time, but now I'm ready to get back to my optimal and enjoy life at its fullest.  The only challenge is not wanting to pull time away from my boys to work out.  Hopefully I will find a way to spend more time with them during the day so I can have an hour or two to myself during the day without feeling that guilt.

I'm so thankful for everything God has provided for me over the last 10 years, and cannot wait to see what is in store for me over the next.

Leaps of Faith: It seems like every time I open my bible or devotional, I see at least one verse  referring to faith and making choices based off a trust in God.  I will be terribly honest and say that this is my biggest weakness.  Many know that I have an anxiety disorder.  It is SO much better than it was after I graduated college.  I attribute that improvement primarily to my annoyingly laid back husband.  He has so much peace and trust in God that I can't help but to pick up on some.  I'm still no where in the place that I need to be.  I stress over my weight (see Turning 30 reference).  I obsessively stress over finances and the +/- of our bank account.  Probably because there isn't enough + and a little too much -.  :)  However, as I said, I'm seeing that God is constantly telling me to stop stressing and worrying and just put my faith in him.  With the things happening in our family right now, it's more of giant LEAPS of faith rather than just trusting in him.  My family and husband are reassuring me that things will happen for the best if I just do what God is telling me to do.  I know what that is, and it's like I'm standing on the edge of a high dive terrified of a massive belly flop when I hit the water.  The rational side of me knows that God won't let that happen to me, but the anxiety side says "I can't jump. I can't jump. It's going to hurt. I really don't want a water enema if I land wrong!".

This being said, I'm on the verge of a leap.  I need prayer because it scares the crap out of me.  The unknown has always scared me.  I'm a cautious planner and hate to not see the next 5-10 steps.  I'm posting the verses below because I feel like they are what God is putting out there for me, and maybe some of you need them as well.

Hopefully I can eventually post more than once a week, but until then - See ya later!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8

Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27

It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. Psalm 118:8

Charlie's first month and our first day back in church!

I haven't posted since last week, but Mondays are perfect days for fresh starts.  Right? The two big events since last time are that Charlie's first month has already passed, and we finally  made it back to church.

Charlie's First Month:
We had Charlie's first month check up Friday afternoon.  Lance wasn't able to make it, so it was a fun challenge to get us both ready, make sure he nursed, and that we got to the pediatrician's office on time.  Charlie did pretty amazing for me.  He only got fussy when it was time to strip him down for measurements.  He's grown quite a bit since he was born - weighing 10lb. 13oz. and measuring 22" long.  Lance is convinced that his birth measurement of 19" was wrong.  How else would he have grown 3" in one month.  The fact that he's gained a half a pound a week is not such a surprise.  This kid seems to be constantly nursing.  I'm so happy to have this little fella in our life.  I'm even more thankful that William seems to be adjusting to the fact that Charlie is here to stay and isn't a toy.  He loves his little brother, but has had a bit of an issue calming his rough-and-tumble 3 year old self around his fragile "best friend".  He's also settled back into a routine - which has had an amazing impact on his little attitude/acting up issue he was running into after we came home with Charlie.  Life with boys will definitely be an interesting journey.

I'm glad God thought we were worthy to take care of two of his finest!

Charlie on day 1. 8lb12oz and 19"

Charlie on day 31. 10lb13oz and 22"

Back to Church:

After a couple of months away from church, we finally were able to make it back Sunday.  We weren't able to make it to church on a consistent basis for most of my pregnancy thanks to constant nausea every time we went.  I think it was a combination of the air in the sanctuary, the slight incline of the seating area, and just feeling horrible all of the time. Once I hit about 9 months, we weren't able to make it at all.  My back had hit a point that it really wouldn't let me sit comfortably in a totally upright position.  Fortunately I was able to watch from home since Rogers First Church of the Nazarene does a live stream of their service.  We have tried once or twice to make it back after Charlie was born, but it never worked out.  Charlie decided to be a bit of a spastic sleeper Saturday night, but it worked out in our favor because it meant the whole house was up early enough to get ready and get out the door on time.  

It was so nice to be back.  Our congregation is so amazing, and we were warmly welcomed.  William was so happy to be back in church.  He has asked several times in the past few weeks when we would be going back.  As we were pulling in Sunday morning, he was ecstatically screaming, "Church! Church! Daddy, you found the church!!"  Our dear Pastor Alan even introduced Charlie to the congregation, and asked that he (me) stand up and be welcomed.  Lance and I searched for so long to find a church that felt like home to us, and that we could trust to help us raise our children with a strong relationship with God. This church is definitely it for us.  

Our sermon addressed Luke 11:1-13 (Jesus' Teaching on Prayer).  One passage that really struck me was Luke 11:9-10. "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."  I don't usually have those strong feelings that God is directly talking to me or trying to tell me something, but this sermon kind of did that for me.  I've been casually praying for a way to figure out how to be home with the boys, but now I realize I need to be deliberate and just ask God for what I need.  I am a child of God, and he's always watching over for me.  I need to turn to him when I need him, and I'm being more intentional to do that now. 

This was a pretty lengthy blog, but I had a lot to get off my mind.  I'm hoping those of you who have put forth the effort to read to this point will make a point to ask God for what you are needing his help with.  Also, if you could continue to include my family in your prayers, I'd be so appreciative!

Twice in one week! Must be a record...

So I've actually made a second post in two weeks.  If you check my posting history, I've now matched the number of posts for the last 3ish years.  Go me!

The big thing of the day is that my second little angel is 4 weeks old today.  I cannot believe that Charlie has already been here that long. He has changed our life, and it's amazing to see William being a big brother.  This pic was from the other day, but it's a pretty cute one and shows just how much he's grown already.

The sad part of Charlie heading into his 5th week, is that that means I'm heading into my 6th week of leave.  That means I only have 7 weeks left.  I know some of you may have caught up on my desire to not have to return to work.  It's a bit more than a desire at this point.  I'm feeling as though God is calling me to focus on my role as a wife and mother more than my career.  I always say that I'd never regret spending time with my kids, but I think I'd end up regretting let a day care raise my babies while I'm spending my life in an office.  Will you please pray for me and my family - that we can figure something out that will work for us? I love my job and my place of employment, but absolutely  nothing compares to the joy I feel when I spend time with my babies.  

I mean seriously…look at them.  Who in their right mind would choose to leave them every day to go spend time in an office? These two (combined with their daddy) are my heart. 

My leaving thought of this post comes from my devotional yesterday. It really helps me remember that all things are possible through God.  "Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." - John 1: 3-5.  How can I question what God is capable of doing for me, when he created the universe and everything in it??

Third time is a charm, right?

Well, it's been over 3 years since I initially started this blog and then totally abandoned it.  I've seen friends with blogs that beautifully document their families, and I have to admit that I'm pretty envious of their dedication.  I didn't make a new year's resolution this year, but I do think I want to do a better job of documenting my life.  I've started re-reading the bible and keeping up with a prayer journal.  That effort has led me to wanting to keep up with my family as well. 

Now is the request part of this brief post.  If you are a blogger pro, I need your help! Design tips would be especially appreciated as I am at ground level with all of this.  To say I am a novice would be over-estimating my ability.  Please feel free to help me!