My new normal...

This is the week that I would have returned from maternity leave - well I guess today would have been a snow day, but you get the idea.  Instead, I'm officially a stay at home mom!

I know it seems as though I've been beating the dead horse by constantly talking about staying at home, and technically I have been at home since the week of Thanksgiving.  It just feels a little bit different knowing that I no longer have employment. I haven't been this stress free in YEARS.  My entire life has been filled with me learning something new, and now I get to learn how to be an awesome version of myself.  All of the learning has been education/career focused until now: 13 years of k-12, 4 years of college, almost 3 years deciding between law school and grad school, 2 years of grad school, 2 years learning how to be a higher ed professional…and before I know it, I'm 30.

In my last post I mentioned all the goals I have for being 30.  I should add one more of getting to know myself better.  I spend so much time getting to know other things and people, that I don't get to spend much time on me.  I still don't with me spending 24 hours a day with Charlie, a little less than that with William, and quite a bit less than that with Lance.  However, there are those quiet times where I'm not cleaning or doing laundry, and I can just think.  I know I want to be happier with myself - and a big part of that is being healthier.  Another part of it, is that I can be a bit of an intellectual (not at all in a conceited manner) who needs to have her brain stimulated.  That was a concern of mine when deciding to stay home.  I didn't want to give up my daily brain usage.  I'm now figuring out that there is no such thing as an idle brain with me - it just redirects.  I will always have something I'm needing to plan or a new skill to learn.  It seems that lately, I've been feeling pulled to writing.  I'd love to have an amazing idea strike me so I could have so much fun writing. I have a little pipe dream of writing a novel, the problem is that I need the idea or concept. I don't even care if it ever gets published, I'd just like to have an original idea written by yours truly.  We'll see what develops in months to come. :)

Because everyone deserves to see a picture of two precious brothers

On the family front, my boys continue to become more and more awesome.  William is becoming so funny, and I think he may be realizing that his defiant streak gets him nowhere, so there's no point in letting me have it.  Our lingering issue is getting him to keep his butt in bed.  Every night takes us over an hour to get him to bed.  He comes out with a request for hugs and kisses, then to have help going potty, and then just to have mommy or daddy to lay with him for a minute.  I'm constantly conflicted.  Parts of me wants to indulge him in his requests, because he will never be this age again.  The other part of me gets totally exhausted by his persistence and I just want him to hush up and get in bed. I guess if this is how one big annoyance then I can live with it.  His little brother being totally adorable also helps me cope with the tiny William drawbacks.  Charlie is getting to the point where he's desperately trying to giggle.  Lance can get him going by singing "Horse Right Here" from Guys and Dolls (don't tell him I wrote this), and I bring the giggles out by smiles and chats.  I guess he just thinks I'm funny looking.

Oh yeah, I can't remember if I mentioned that I donated my hair on my birthday.  I gave up 9.5" to Beautiful Lengths.  I originally donated to them in 2007 through Walmart when 7 of us at the home office were selected to have our hair cut and styled by celebrity stylist Danilo (think Gwen Stefani).  This time I think may hair was longer than it had ever been.  See the pictures? I'm so relieved to have it chopped.  Long, thick hair (while pretty) can be a literal pain.  Since my hair is so heavy, it actually gives me headaches when it is long.  Not to mention it takes 20-30 minutes to straighten - not to mention time needed if I actually dried it.  Now I can have my hair dried and straightened in the time it used to take to straighten.  Plus… may hair is going to make some lady a pretty nice wig some day.

That's all for now.  Happy Monday!  Hopefully everyone is staying inside and safe from the frigid air and crazy white stuff. Take care all!

Two Weeks Notice and my 30th!

I can never manage to post as much as I'd like to, but at least I'm doing much better than the 3 year gap I had previously.  I'm going to start this post with saying just how thankful I am that our house is all healthy and happy.  There was about a month that I thought the various sicknesses would just keep rotating through the house.  With the exception of Lance either jamming, breaking, or severely bruising a toe last weekend - we've been healthy lately.

William and Charlie are definitely starting to get more comfortable with each other.  William is getting so much better at not being too rough with Charlie.  This morning I had both boys with me on the couch to watch some Disney.  Charlie was being his normal chipper self making some ah-goo noises, when William lets me know that Charlie said he needs his big brother to hold his hand.  He reached over and sat there holding Charlie's hand while watching cartoons.  I know most days that William is a tornado of defiance and chaos throughout the house, but there are those golden moments where he is such a little angel.  It makes me so happy, and I love seeing  those boys get to know each other.

I've had some amazing things happen since the last post.  I gave my resignation notice to NWACC and I turned 30!  The former was bittersweet, but the later was just pure bliss.

Two Weeks Notice: 
I think it has been blatantly obvious that I haven't wanted to return back to work since having Charlie.  I had been so conflicted about making the jump into being a stay at home mom, when I know our finances aren't totally lining up.  After several weeks of prayer, Lance decided that I needed to be home.  This season in our life just calls for me to put my career aside to take care of my family and home.  I still stress a little about the finances, but mom and dad told me this last week that their budget never lined out early in their marriage when mom was home with me and Jared.  I guess it just shows that numbers can't hold a candle to what God can do for those that follow him.  We've done what we can to cut costs, but now we are just going to follow God and let him provide for us.  It's amazing the peace I feel now that the decision has been made. I still have to go to work for my exit interview and to clear out my office, but won't be advising another student as an NWACC academic advisor.  The only bittersweet piece is giving up the work I did on a daily basis at my job.  It got frustrating at time, but there was a lot of reward in helping students figure out their future.  I often got feedback directly or indirectly as to how I had made such an impact on a student by just spending some extra time helping them.  There are students I will miss at my job, but I'd rather be missed by people at work than by my boys.

Happy Birthday to ME!:
I turned 30 on Wednesday!  I'm a 30 year old wife and mother of two boys!  Can you believe it?  I'm so proud of everything I've accomplished in the last 10 years, and cannot wait for the chapter.  I've made a few goals for the 365 days I will be 30.  I plan to continue to lower my anxiety through prayer and communication with Lance.  I'm already realizing that a large part of my anxiety was balancing my job and personal life.  I also need to be more verbal with Lance as to what's going on in my head.  I have a tendency to internalize everything until I'm like a pressure cooker ready to let off way too much steam at once.  It's not healthy for me or my family, and I'm always a work in progress. I've also decided that I'm going to lose a minimum of 30lbs, preferably 40ish. I'd love to weigh what I did before I got pregnant with William.  I know it's more about the number though - I want the energy and feeling of well-being I had at that time.  I can feel better about myself and be ready to keep up with two little boys.  I really am so excited to be 30!!

Switching off cable to save:
We decided to ditch cable to save some on our monthly budget.  Our combined cable and internet bill had just tipped the scale at $140.  This was for mid-level internet and HD channels.  No big extras.  No DVR.  It's obscene.  We're now going to have half that bill for just our internet.  Lance got me an Apple TV for my birthday.  We're still getting the feel of it, but the airplay piece is awesome!  I can stream whatever I'm doing on my phone, iPad, or macbook on to the TV.  Thank goodness for not having to watch Downton on a tiny screen!

Meal Planning: 
Lastly, I've decided I'm going to learn to like cooking.  If you know me, you know I absolutely love baking.  I love creating sweet concoctions that make others happy.  Cooking - different story.  It's messy. I have to handle raw meats. . . yuck!  However, I've decided I can save some serious cash by planning out our meals.  I found foodonthetable.com, a free meal planning website.  It lets you pick the meals you like, and will provide you with the recipe as well as the grocery list needed.  I'm excited about trying it out, and have 4 meals planned for this week.  Also, thanks to my parents buying us a little deep freezer - I can actually work on a stock pile of staple foods that can be thawed out the day I plan to cook a meal.  I will be domestic if it kills me!!

As always, I've had a lot on my mind.  I guess the lack of adult interaction means that I let it out on here.  I have a lot of personal goals, and I think sharing them on here can help keep me accountable.

Goals:
1. lose weight/get active/feel better
2. learn to like cooking
3. keep anxiety in check
4. build better relationship with our church

Blessings and Battles

This week marks two milestones - one for each boy.  Actually there have been two for William over the last two weeks, but I'll get to that.

Charlie:
The first milestone is that Charlie is now 8 weeks old.  He's changed so much in his short little life.  He's smiling a lot, and even trying to make giggle noises.  It's so nice to see this healthier, happier Charlie after him having RSV and being a bit lethargic the last couple of weeks.  He's also decided that 8 weeks is an excellent time to start rolling over.  He did it the first time Wednesday afternoon, but only Lance saw it and he wasn't sure that it was on purpose.  I decided to give him some more tummy time yesterday and he immediately started working himself up on his side.  The first time he got stuck there on his side and quit trying to flip over.  I helped him out by getting him started back on his belly.  The second time he just went right back to work trying to get over.  He got himself on his side, and basically scissor-kicked his legs until he flopped over.  He's getting so big and I just wish I could push pause for a minute. He's such a beautiful blessing and has added so much joy to our family.

This blurry pic is Charlie in action trying to roll himself over.  He's such a hard worker! :)

William: 
William's first milestone actually came last week, which you would have known if I had gotten around to writing a blog.  We finally got him to his first dentist appointment.  I've read that you're supposed to take them much earlier, but we just haven't thought to get him there.  I guess being pregnant and having Charlie has served as a pretty substantial distraction.  Either way, William really had fun at the dentist.  He calls is the "silly place" because the waiting area has video games and toys for the kids to play with while they wait for their appointment.  Also, there are TV's mounted above each chair/bed so the kiddos can wear some headphones and watch cartoons.  William got to chill to Doc McStuffins while he got his teeth cleaned.  The dentist let us know that he has a few molars that will need to be watched because she detected some weakness.  She said it was nothing we were doing wrong with brushing - just that the teeth came in a little weak.  I think he may have gotten that from my side of the genes.  My adult molars all had to be filled because they came in weak.  Thankfully they gave us fluoride toothpaste to try to work on the spots.  It's possible at his 6 month follow up that he may have to have them worked on. :(  The dentist also said that William may be headed for braces.  I find this a little hard to believe as his teeth are perfectly straight and with room.  Guess we will wait and see.

William was pretty excited about the "purple stuff" that helped to show him and us where to focus on his brushing. 

He was a little less thrilled about getting some x-rays, but was still such an awesome boy. 

William's second milestone - which I guess is more mine, is that we've dropped him down to part-time day care/preschool. He now stay home on Tuesday and Thursday.  This is where the BATTLE part of my blog title comes from.  William really is an awesome kid 99% of the time.  He behaves and acts like a typical 3 year old.  However, he still has some issues sharing me with Charlie sometimes.  It's only an issue when I'm home alone with the boys.  William is still sweet to Charlie, but he goes CRAZY.  Yesterday alone, I think he did everything we've asked him not to do in the last month.  By the time Lance got home at 7:30 last night, I was DONE being a mom.  I clocked out and just sat on the couch to watch some of the Olympics.  I know it will get better as William adjusts to the change of being home more, but he really knows how to test me.  This battle will be won by momma, and I will see William being home more as a blessing. 

On a completely separate note, we are still working on making a pretty big decision in the Glover home so I would appreciate your prayers that God guides us in the way we need to go. Happy Friday, y'all!  Thank the sweet God above that it's Friday and that I'm about to have a weekend with my Lance!

Leaps of Faith

Happy Tuesday!!

This post has been much delayed.  I know many can understand that time really is not your own with a needy newborn and a crazy-spastic 3 year old.  I'm not sure how people with a whole slew of kiddos can do it.  I'd absolutely pull my hair out.

What's new?
First…I have my 6 week follow-up appointment this Thursday which made me realize that my beautiful little Charlie is 6 weeks old today!!  How did that happen? He's starting to look more infant and less newborn every day.

Second… I've been seeking God through prayer and scripture to gain direction on making decisions lately.  I'm trying to make sure my life puts God first and my family immediately after.  My flawed self will admit that I don't always do that.  I catch myself trying to put my own needs first and getting caught up with worldly temptations and worries (I want a bigger house, I want to lose weight, I want to figure out our finances…).  All of this really doesn't matter when it comes to my relationship with God.  So I'm working on it and I will continue to do so.

I do have two main topics of today's post.  One is that I will be 30 in the very near future, and the other is leaps of faith.

Turning 30:  In less than a month, I'm entering into a new decade of my life.  I'm pretty satisfied with what my 20's have given me.  I graduated with my Bachelors degree, got my first "grown up" job at Walmart legal, met Lance, got married, had William, graduated with my Masters degree, got my first "new career" job, and had Charlie.  That's a pretty complete life. I hope the next 10 years can be spent cherishing my family and bettering myself.  I told a friend the other night that 25 year old Jessie would be kicking almost 30 year old Jessie in the butt because of how much I've lost my level of fitness.  I'm about 35lbs heavier than I was a 25.  Granted I've had 2 kids in that time, but now I'm ready to get back to my optimal and enjoy life at its fullest.  The only challenge is not wanting to pull time away from my boys to work out.  Hopefully I will find a way to spend more time with them during the day so I can have an hour or two to myself during the day without feeling that guilt.

I'm so thankful for everything God has provided for me over the last 10 years, and cannot wait to see what is in store for me over the next.

Leaps of Faith: It seems like every time I open my bible or devotional, I see at least one verse  referring to faith and making choices based off a trust in God.  I will be terribly honest and say that this is my biggest weakness.  Many know that I have an anxiety disorder.  It is SO much better than it was after I graduated college.  I attribute that improvement primarily to my annoyingly laid back husband.  He has so much peace and trust in God that I can't help but to pick up on some.  I'm still no where in the place that I need to be.  I stress over my weight (see Turning 30 reference).  I obsessively stress over finances and the +/- of our bank account.  Probably because there isn't enough + and a little too much -.  :)  However, as I said, I'm seeing that God is constantly telling me to stop stressing and worrying and just put my faith in him.  With the things happening in our family right now, it's more of giant LEAPS of faith rather than just trusting in him.  My family and husband are reassuring me that things will happen for the best if I just do what God is telling me to do.  I know what that is, and it's like I'm standing on the edge of a high dive terrified of a massive belly flop when I hit the water.  The rational side of me knows that God won't let that happen to me, but the anxiety side says "I can't jump. I can't jump. It's going to hurt. I really don't want a water enema if I land wrong!".

This being said, I'm on the verge of a leap.  I need prayer because it scares the crap out of me.  The unknown has always scared me.  I'm a cautious planner and hate to not see the next 5-10 steps.  I'm posting the verses below because I feel like they are what God is putting out there for me, and maybe some of you need them as well.

Hopefully I can eventually post more than once a week, but until then - See ya later!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8

Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. John 14:1

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27

It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man. Psalm 118:8

Charlie's first month and our first day back in church!

I haven't posted since last week, but Mondays are perfect days for fresh starts.  Right? The two big events since last time are that Charlie's first month has already passed, and we finally  made it back to church.

Charlie's First Month:
We had Charlie's first month check up Friday afternoon.  Lance wasn't able to make it, so it was a fun challenge to get us both ready, make sure he nursed, and that we got to the pediatrician's office on time.  Charlie did pretty amazing for me.  He only got fussy when it was time to strip him down for measurements.  He's grown quite a bit since he was born - weighing 10lb. 13oz. and measuring 22" long.  Lance is convinced that his birth measurement of 19" was wrong.  How else would he have grown 3" in one month.  The fact that he's gained a half a pound a week is not such a surprise.  This kid seems to be constantly nursing.  I'm so happy to have this little fella in our life.  I'm even more thankful that William seems to be adjusting to the fact that Charlie is here to stay and isn't a toy.  He loves his little brother, but has had a bit of an issue calming his rough-and-tumble 3 year old self around his fragile "best friend".  He's also settled back into a routine - which has had an amazing impact on his little attitude/acting up issue he was running into after we came home with Charlie.  Life with boys will definitely be an interesting journey.

I'm glad God thought we were worthy to take care of two of his finest!

Charlie on day 1. 8lb12oz and 19"

Charlie on day 31. 10lb13oz and 22"

Back to Church:

After a couple of months away from church, we finally were able to make it back Sunday.  We weren't able to make it to church on a consistent basis for most of my pregnancy thanks to constant nausea every time we went.  I think it was a combination of the air in the sanctuary, the slight incline of the seating area, and just feeling horrible all of the time. Once I hit about 9 months, we weren't able to make it at all.  My back had hit a point that it really wouldn't let me sit comfortably in a totally upright position.  Fortunately I was able to watch from home since Rogers First Church of the Nazarene does a live stream of their service.  We have tried once or twice to make it back after Charlie was born, but it never worked out.  Charlie decided to be a bit of a spastic sleeper Saturday night, but it worked out in our favor because it meant the whole house was up early enough to get ready and get out the door on time.  

It was so nice to be back.  Our congregation is so amazing, and we were warmly welcomed.  William was so happy to be back in church.  He has asked several times in the past few weeks when we would be going back.  As we were pulling in Sunday morning, he was ecstatically screaming, "Church! Church! Daddy, you found the church!!"  Our dear Pastor Alan even introduced Charlie to the congregation, and asked that he (me) stand up and be welcomed.  Lance and I searched for so long to find a church that felt like home to us, and that we could trust to help us raise our children with a strong relationship with God. This church is definitely it for us.  

Our sermon addressed Luke 11:1-13 (Jesus' Teaching on Prayer).  One passage that really struck me was Luke 11:9-10. "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."  I don't usually have those strong feelings that God is directly talking to me or trying to tell me something, but this sermon kind of did that for me.  I've been casually praying for a way to figure out how to be home with the boys, but now I realize I need to be deliberate and just ask God for what I need.  I am a child of God, and he's always watching over for me.  I need to turn to him when I need him, and I'm being more intentional to do that now. 

This was a pretty lengthy blog, but I had a lot to get off my mind.  I'm hoping those of you who have put forth the effort to read to this point will make a point to ask God for what you are needing his help with.  Also, if you could continue to include my family in your prayers, I'd be so appreciative!

Twice in one week! Must be a record...

So I've actually made a second post in two weeks.  If you check my posting history, I've now matched the number of posts for the last 3ish years.  Go me!

The big thing of the day is that my second little angel is 4 weeks old today.  I cannot believe that Charlie has already been here that long. He has changed our life, and it's amazing to see William being a big brother.  This pic was from the other day, but it's a pretty cute one and shows just how much he's grown already.

The sad part of Charlie heading into his 5th week, is that that means I'm heading into my 6th week of leave.  That means I only have 7 weeks left.  I know some of you may have caught up on my desire to not have to return to work.  It's a bit more than a desire at this point.  I'm feeling as though God is calling me to focus on my role as a wife and mother more than my career.  I always say that I'd never regret spending time with my kids, but I think I'd end up regretting let a day care raise my babies while I'm spending my life in an office.  Will you please pray for me and my family - that we can figure something out that will work for us? I love my job and my place of employment, but absolutely  nothing compares to the joy I feel when I spend time with my babies.  

I mean seriously…look at them.  Who in their right mind would choose to leave them every day to go spend time in an office? These two (combined with their daddy) are my heart. 

My leaving thought of this post comes from my devotional yesterday. It really helps me remember that all things are possible through God.  "Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." - John 1: 3-5.  How can I question what God is capable of doing for me, when he created the universe and everything in it??

Third time is a charm, right?

Well, it's been over 3 years since I initially started this blog and then totally abandoned it.  I've seen friends with blogs that beautifully document their families, and I have to admit that I'm pretty envious of their dedication.  I didn't make a new year's resolution this year, but I do think I want to do a better job of documenting my life.  I've started re-reading the bible and keeping up with a prayer journal.  That effort has led me to wanting to keep up with my family as well. 

Now is the request part of this brief post.  If you are a blogger pro, I need your help! Design tips would be especially appreciated as I am at ground level with all of this.  To say I am a novice would be over-estimating my ability.  Please feel free to help me!